Sam and Mark's Super Happy Wedding Funtime

A Wedding I Won’t Have: The My Fair Wedding Wedding

Posted on: November 16, 2012

OMG have you seen My Fair Wedding? Because you should go watch it if you have not. Seriously.

OK, nuts, right?

Oh. I see. You didn’t watch it.

Fine, let me sum up. David Tutera is a crazy Jason Bateman look-alike who runs around the country (LA and NY, occasionally TX) planning insane weddings with entire forests for centerpieces and contortionist waitstaff for Brides who dream of contortionist filled weddings.

And this is great television. These women want Jason Bateman to come in to their lives and give them the wedding of their dreams. DREAMS. Dreams they never even knew the had until Jason/David shows up with his rag tag band of circus freaks and florists.

I actually like this show in small doses. I love makeovers. And this, this, is a fun makeover. The women on the show get an amazing party that they never would have been able to pull off on their own. They get fancy-ass gowns that probably cost more than their original budget. They get tablecloths and overlays. They get live bands. They get etiquette lessons (this is the best because sometimes David tells them how to properly wipe their mouths with their napkins and explains the difference between place cards and escort cards). They get their tacky tattoos airbrushed. They get to be some totally other person who has some totally amazing wedding.

And these women want these weddings. I’m not going to get into why they want (*cough* advertising *cough*) these wedding, or if they want these weddings for themselves or for some strange feeling of obligation (to the advertisers? to keep up with the Joneses?), but they do want them. So much. And to see their dreams come true- it is a little emotional. Even if the dream is stupid and wasteful and over-the-top ridiculous, doesn’t mean it isn’t a valid dream. And to have that stupid, wasteful over-the-top dream be bigger than even you thought it could be? Well, that is emotional. That is wonderful. Just because I wouldn’t do it, doesn’t make it any less awesome. For them.

For me, it would be wrong. I want the kind of wedding where people drink too much wine and eat too much food. I want a quiet, warm stupor. I want to people to talk to each other. I want to play stupid party games. I want a glow. I want stillness. I want small and I want intimate and I absolutely do not want any contortionists of any type in any outfit or in any plastic bubbles.

And that’s the difference. I don’t want to be a princess or a queen or a duchess or any other royal personage. I want to be me. Just me. In a pretty dress and slightly drunk on wine and joy. That I can do without the circus freaks.

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Sam and Mark

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