Sam and Mark's Super Happy Wedding Funtime

A Wedding I Won’t Have: Wine Country

Posted on: September 16, 2012

One of the first places to pop into our heads when we were first engaged was wine country. We’ve spent weekend after weekend in Sonoma county drinking wine and gazing at the countryside. Our first weekend trip together was to Healdsberg where we spent 3 days visiting Mark’s go-to places and finding a few new ones we could call ours together. When my parents came to visit and meet Mark for the first time, we took them up to wine country. It is a wonderful, magical escape. It is filled with happy memories and good times.

It is also like the San Fernando Valley of Wedding Porn. How many blogs have post after post on beautiful wine country weddings? Barns and gardens and flowers and sunshine and happiness. Look at everyone floating on clouds of joy in the fields, the vineyards, the gardens. Look at them glowing in the sun. The bright, beautiful, cloudless blue skies and the miles of rustic charm.

What they don’t tell you about is that most of those beautiful rustic barns do not have running water. That means you and your gorgeous friends and family in all of their finery will be using chemical toilets you have rent for the festivities. Port-a-potties. In a wedding dress. There aren’t enough fairy lights in California to make me forget I’ll be using a port-a-potty. What do you remember most from the wedding? Standing downwind from the chemical toilets.

Also. All those blue skies and sunshine? That comes with a price. Heat. It is hot in wine country. When it is not hot in wine country it is potentially overcast and raining. When it is clear and beautiful, it is hot. The second to last thing, after using chemical toilets, I want on my wedding day is heatstroke.

Of course if we did a wine country wedding, we’d do it at a lovely place with running water. It would be less wine country and more garden party. Maybe something like this:


Shade and umbrellas and lush green grass and most importantly: running water. Sweet porcelain beauties. It would be so lovely. And my dress? It would have been this one:


Lovely, lacy, perfect for an afternoon wedding in a garden.

We’d play croquet on the lawn while sipping cocktails and wine. Kids could frolic amongst the flowers. Dinner would be lunch and it would be light and bright and delicious. We could retire to the veranda when the heatstroke set in. It would be lovely.


1 Response to "A Wedding I Won’t Have: Wine Country"

For a split second, Sam, I thought you wrote that you were having a porn wedding. And oddly, I was not excited. Your dress is much cooler than the one picture above 🙂


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Sam and Mark

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