Sam and Mark's Super Happy Wedding Funtime

10,000 Rough Drafts

Posted on: May 4, 2012

Let me begin with a statement:

We are still getting married.

Though I’ve said more times than Mark appreciates (by a factor of one million) “we are never getting married,” we are, indeed, still getting married. Yay. I guess.

Is complete frustration/apathy/rage all part of the planning process? Well, it is now.

This is not to say I’m not excited about getting married. I’m so excited that I tried to talk my dear sweet sentimental fiancé into eloping. It is not for him, it turns out. He doesn’t need a huge wedding, but he needs more than an appointment at the courthouse.

For me? I’d like to fill out some paperwork and be done with the whole thing. Though, part of that is my frustration with the process. Part is also practicality, I’d like to think, not just frustration. We don’t need a big to do, we just need to fill out a form. Marriage is a legal status. A form should be enough. There. Done.

Of course, it isn’t just a legal status. That is an oversimplification. Marriage means more than that and a wedding is more than a just a party. Right? Right?

Why am I struggling with this? Maybe it is my feminist side rejecting social constructs. Maybe my cheap side not wanting to pay for your dinner. Mostly though, if I’m honest, I’m just scared of the wedding. I don’t want people looking at me. I don’t want people to have a bad time. And it doesn’t matter that all of that doesn’t matter because it still matters to me.

And, ugh, to top things off, I’m not religious. So a ceremony? Gah. I don’t care. Isn’t this the important part? Isn’t this the point? We aren’t a traditional couple. We aren’t going to go the traditional nuclear family route. We are just complicating our taxes and officially joining our CD collection. We aren’t a union in the eyes of some god, just the great state of California.

I think once we officially decide on a date things will get easier for me to deal with. I think once I have an endpoint, I can start filling in all the blanks. But for now this is all an open ended chance for me to to disappoint everyone I care about.

At least there might be cake!

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Sam and Mark

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