Sam and Mark's Super Happy Wedding Funtime

Something Blue

Posted on: November 29, 2011

Some people are really into wedding dresses. I will confess, while addled by the flu,* to watching every season of “Say Yes to the Dress” on Netflix. Mostly, this was to watch how happy the brides were in picking out their dress. I liked watching them find the one special dress that made them feel so beautiful and wonderful they burst into tears of joy.

Sometimes I would see a plus size bride. A woman who was comfortable with her size and her assets and she would struggle with the dresses- emotionally and physically- until she eventually triumphed and found some dress that made her feel like a sexy wedding princess. Hooray! Even plus size brides can find a perfect dress!

So everyone is all bedecked in sparkly white, sobbing up a storm, and forking over thousands and thousands of dollars. And they don’t care! $5,000? $10,000? What is the price of perfection? Of joy? Of happiness?

And I would cheer for them! Yay! They look so pretty; they are so happy! I would cheer for them, and then happily return to my life. My wedding dress free life. My jeans and sweaters life.

And now I am where I wanted to be, engaged, and I am faced with the whole picking out and buying a dress thing. And it is hard. Even though my tastes don’t run “ballgown” or “mermaid,” I’m still finding myself wanting a perfect dress for my special day.

And it makes me feel sick.

Ugh. My special day? Who am I? What am I thinking? I didn’t grow up gazing at pictures of weddings and dreaming of my “special day.” In fact, as much as I wanted to have a husband (which is different than wanting to be a wife), I never really cared that much about the wedding. So this desire to purchase and wear a wedding dress is, frankly, strange. Unpractical. Excessive.

And yet… there it was. I wanted a wedding dress. The internal battle between practicality and fantasy is making me more than a bit nauseous.

So I did my research. I started searching for a dress that would fit into the tiny sliver of cross-over between sensible and fantastic. My idea of fantastic being a lot more tame than most, I started looking. Searching for something slightly retro, slightly now, with just enough fluff to put it over the top, but not enough to make me look like some sort of county fair princess, I scoured the internet. I’d find things here and there, but nothing that really grabbed me. Or that would fit me. More of the latter than the former, but enough of the former to keep my plus size insecurities at bay.

Then I found Dolly Couture. The dresses were right in line with what I want- easy and fun with just enough whimsy. And, to top it all off, they actually make them in my size. I was sold. I booked an appointment in their LA showroom.

When it got closer and closer to the appointment date, I became more and more anxious about going. I wanted to cancel the whole thing. A wedding dress is… silly. Excessive. Sure, these were about as paired down as you can get before just wearing a pretty dress, but… was it me? Not just the specific dress, the wedding dress in general. Am I wedding dress material?** Am I the sort of person who can do this? You can’t hide in a wedding dress. You can’t pretend you are just going to dinner. You are a bride. You suddenly become something else. You are part of an institution. You have responsibilities to that institution. There are expectations, and the dress- well, the dress sets the stage doesn’t it? It is a signal of how you regard the institution. How serious you are. How much you are willing to put in.

That’s a lot of pressure on a damn dress.

Pressure that really, really is coming out of nowhere, right? I mean, it is just a dress. Wedding dress, yes, but a dress. An aspect of, not definition of. A decoration. A costume. A lovely costume for a lovely party.

So I went to the appointment. Me and Mark. And it was weird. And it took 20 minutes. It wasn’t like a “bridal appointment” from “Say Yes to the Dress,” it was more of a surgical strike. I already knew what I wanted, I didn’t need to play dress up. I just wanted to… I don’t know. Touch the fabric, see the colors. See if there was some other dress that might catch my eye. But there weren’t. I didn’t even look at another dress. I think secretly I wanted to see the dress and not like it, that way I could give up on the whole wedding dress idea. But I loved it. I loved it even more than I thought I would.

And now, with a bit of time and distance between me and that dress, I’m still conflicted. It is an impractical purchase. It is excessive and I don’t know if I can justify the cost. I don’t know if I want to. But. Well. It is a pretty, pretty dress. Fancy and impractical. A dress I could only wear once. A dress that would be made just for me.

A ridiculous thing.

A fun, silly thing.

And.. well, that would be what I would want in both a wedding and a wedding dress.

*And also after being addled by the flu

**Pun intended

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6 Responses to "Something Blue"

I just clicked on the site and wow…those are AWESOME dresses! If I may say so…allow yourself at least one “impractical” thing. Weddings are loaded with impracticalities (as you have discovered) but it can be fun to give in to *one* of them. Maybe it’s the dress, or flowers, or awesome band, as long as it makes the two of you happy on the happiest day, then go for it.

Good point- it is hard to find the right balance between being practical and being sort of puritanical. I don’t want to *not* have fun and pretty things because they are “impractical”- I wouldn’t even have a wedding then! Weddings by their nature are impractical.

And yeah- aren’t those dresses so pretty? They certainly aren’t for everyone, but I love that 50s/60s vibe and I love that they are short but without going all the way to Vegas 😛

I think I will now use “all the way to Vegas” as code for “vag flash”. But seriously, congratulations on finding The Dress!

Lady, you are going to be beautiful no matter what you wear. But you know yourself! You aren’t going to be hiding behind a dress! And it is a special day, for you and mark! So celebrate it! Allow yourself some frivolity and fun! You embody this quote: “Know, first, who you are; and then adorn yourself accordingly.” ~Epictetus

I love that quote. It is absolutely perfect for all occasions. As are you.

Really nice post and, most importantly, congratulations on finding the perfect dress! Now grab it and never look back. 🙂

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